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[03 May 2007|12:45am] |
Another biennial upsdate. A little drunk of the guiness, but Livejournal entries should only be that way.
I suppose the only thing worth writing about is that I finally got over Nick. I told him off, and I'm finally done with idealizing someone, and I'm ready to just make sloppy make outs with someone that I don't really know. OK I know him, sort of. I'll kiss the devil!
Hopefully next year will be spent in Scotland getting drunk more often than not and having an all around good time.
I'm having a hard time trying to analyze how this year has been. Last year seems pretty vivid in my memory and I can say definitively what sucked and what didn't. This year is alot harder to get at. Most of it was spent having panic attacks that I didn't understand and trying to figure out what the fuck the point of all of this is. I also realized that I am far too neurotic for my own damned good. However, being over Nick fucking finally is a such a good step for me. I was so sick and tired of depending on him to make or break a day....enough cliched phrases and now.
I'm not going to lie though--even if I totally had a new group of friends this year I am going to miss these people. I love my house mates Gwen and Hanna, and probabbly in retrospect will realize that I was actually half-way productive this year.
Now it's time for a piss, and to check thoes horrible annon. posts.
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| eh |
[11 Dec 2006|04:41pm] |
I'm not sure if I should keep telling myself that "it dosen't matter", or if everything really, really, really, does matter.
I really can't fucking wait to go home.
Here is an overview of first semester of Sophmore year:
I think I have become the definition of "sophomoric". I've spent much of this semester feeling sorry for myself and trying to figure of the meaning of something (I'm pretty sure) I already know the answer to and not enough doing my reading. Too many hours have been spent stroking my ego and reflecting on how my actions are intrepreted by others.
However, I should remember the drunken fights, hardcore dancing, yuengling, and staying up untill 4 making silly voices. but it's hard to be nostaligic when I know 1/3 of that collective group will be continuing next semester alot happier than I will be. (there is really no need for me to be vauge about this, because I know what I'm taking about--but I suppose that I really still don't want to acknowledge that I will miss hanging out with Vin.)
oh! to live!
But, it's going to be a new year so it's the time when we all feel like we can change who we are, and I admit I will make the effort to be less angsty and just enjoy things as they come. Roll with the punches emily, you know that it will be alright.
The soundtrack to the semster has mostly been A Silver Mt Zion (and can be visually stimulated by the various notes, grafitti, and doodles I've left as relics around campus for someone else to find.)
F#A# ∞
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| angsty? |
[24 Nov 2006|07:21pm] |
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someone told me once that what's really important is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning. I usually wake up unable to think about anything (but I know my heart is full.)
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| back and bringing the whack attack |
[20 Nov 2006|01:05am] |
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An open letter to friends,
Sorry if I am needy and obnoxious and passive agressive and don't say what I mean because I don't want to seem like any of the above.
Love, emily
I also just wanted to let everyone know--I had the wonderful idea that I could fix Kirstan's wet book by popping it in the oven, but because I am a drunkard I forgot it was in there, and we would have set hill house on fire had Kirstan not woken up and remembered. Kirstan is the best! So are run-on sentences!
Can I also just say that Sophmore year is great/confusing/existentially kicking my balls.
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[27 Sep 2006|02:22am] |
I MEAN!!!!!
www.jointoperation.blogspot.com
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[11 Sep 2006|09:09pm] |
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[15 Aug 2006|02:05am] |
today I ate a cake with the gippers face on it. 
yummy.
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[11 Aug 2006|05:01pm] |
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What an awesome new icon.
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| RIP |
[10 Aug 2006|01:23am] |
 I'll miss you dude.
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| Reality Television update #1 |
[06 Aug 2006|11:37pm] |
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accomplished |
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mogwai |
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Well, as I know you are all interested in how I've been spending my summer vacation I will let you in on an intimate look inside: What Emily Has Been Amused by on Reality Television. [Episode 1]
5.) Alright, I just overall love the show "Who Wants to be A Superhero". Now as all of you know, I fucking hate that dork shit but this show is so hilarious. The best is the charater called fat mama. Fat mama, as one can assume is a large black woman. Her costume is a tight fitting latex number with, get this, various pastries hanging from it. First it was some donuts, then some other snack. I tired to find a picture of the suit but I just had to make a diagram
4.) Next is the show who wants to be a soap star. jesus these people are the worst actors ever-it also another additon to the "list of things I saw before they recapped it on best week ever"
3.) Cops is always amazing. no questions
2.) I fucking love Bradley from Project Runway this season, check out his interview
Question: How would you describe your personal style?
Bradley: I wouldn't.
Question: Who do you think were the best fashion icons in past decades?
Bradley: ...
Question: What's the biggest mistake people make when shopping?
Bradley: Next question please.
1.) and the number one reality show of the summer, is of course Flavor of Love . VH1 you devils, you done it with your pop culture trashy shows again. I fucking love this show. In the first episode there was: a fight in the first 30 seconds , drunk ladies , and someone POOING ON THE FLOOR 
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[17 Jul 2006|12:53am] |
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Not only have I been too lazy to update, I really haven't had much time. Work is pretty time consuming, and now my cousin is here. So we pretty much spend all night smoking weed. So I won't sully your eyes any longer with a burt out entry....just giving a heads up I guess....if you were wondering if I was dead...but I'm sure you haven't
Siren Festival was shit.
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[03 Jul 2006|09:33pm] |
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| It's like cribs yo. |
[02 Jul 2006|06:28pm] |
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So yeah, that's the basement....Sorry my camera phone is so fucking shitty.
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| ew x100000000` |
[02 Jul 2006|05:55pm] |
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weird anime music |
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F.Y.I. my mom is watching anime. WHAT THE FUCK!???!?!
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| To: My Brain Re: WTF man! |
[02 Jul 2006|07:11am] |
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nothing, it's 7am |
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I've been having this string of dreams lately where either the object of my desire, or some other random male has begun to show interest in me. However, EVERY-FUCKING-TIME I think (in dreamland) that it's all good and I think object of desire or random dream guy is totally into me --they go "oh, nah I don't see you that way". This is really getting ridiculous. I know I'm not lucky in the love department in real life, and I'm sure as hell my brain knows that too. So what's the deal man? Can't you throw me a bone!!?? Dreams aren't real! Just let it go down once that's all I'm asking, stop being such a cock block and let me have my imaginary relations.
Now, I know that you're thinking that I am neglecting the dream I did have where it went down. However, setting me up with Zach Galifianakis ( ) instead of the other featured, Demetri Martin ( ) Is cruel and unusual punishment. Not only did you make Demetri not the prime player in the dream, you added salt to the wound and made him seem like an enormous asshole. Thanks.
regards, the rest of emily's body.
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[29 Jun 2006|12:13pm] |
I have never told anyone this story. I'm sure you'll know why, because it is what I believe is the most mortifying moment in my adolecent life.
Eight years ago my parents sent me away to a sleep away summer camp. It was called Camp Applejack and was upstate New York. It was the first time I'd ever been in the wilderness, but that wasn't what scared me. I had gone to the same school since Kindergarden and wasn't sure if I could live up to meeting new kids. We lived in an elevated log cabin and every group had a name. I don't remember what ours was, and I don't remember our counclers, ony that she played a Snoop Dogg CD the first day. I didn't know who that was. I stayed in a room with five other girls. I slept on the bottom bunk. Every day after lunch we would get mail and have oppurtunities to write to our parents. Actually, we had to write our parents. It was our ticket into dinner. I don't remember a time in my life where I've cried more than on that bottom bunk. Blubbering while reading a letter from my mom about the weather, the cats, and what movies she'sbeen watching. Despite my anxiety about meeting people, I had made a few friends. The only ones that I remember are Carly and Leslie. They were both from New York and liked to sing. Earlier in the year someone had asked me where I was from. I suppose I was still rattled from being in a new place I said the first thing that came to my head. This moment is probabbly the most regretted moment of my childhood. I said that I was from Long Island. I am not from long Island, nor had I ever been there. I don't know why I said it and I don't think I ever will. The area which I live in is referred to as Long Island City, and perhaps that's wheret the confusion came from, but I don't know. Now, instead of correcting myself I stayed quiet. I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of all these girls, and the councler who liked Snoop Dogg. So I kept it up, who was it going to hurt? My lie snowballed and after a few weeks I had my first anxiety attack. I didn't know it at the time, but upon reflection it's the same feeling that I still get sometimes. I feel as if there is a giant knot inside my chest, and I slowly have to unwravel it. I have a visual of a huge black spiderweb and I have to untangle it before I can feel better. Every Sunday the camp would gather on this large field and talk about what had went on that week, and what was going to happen next. After all of that there was a time where everyone would sit in silence for about five minutes. They didn't stress any religious undertones, but told us that it was a "spiritual excercise" (yes, it was a fucking hippie camp and I hated it). During these times I would think about what I had gotten myself into while I braided grass, and burned myself on that grass with the little microscopic razors on them. After a few weeks I got so upset about the lengths I had gone to convice these people that I was indeed from Long Island. When Leslie, who is from there asked what school I went to, I told her to guess and said yes to the first one. I remember thinking that I probabbly should have waited for her to guess more, but she got excited and kept asking me if I had known so and so. I alternated answering yes and no, more often no than yes. I was playing social Russian roulette and just hoped that she wasn't good friends with any of these people, or worse making them up. After that lunch I said that I had to go to the infirmary. I can't remember if I had really made myself feel ill, or just needed to go somewhere else for a little while, but the truth was that I knew there was nothing wrong with me. I told the nurse that I had to lie down and she just told me that I was dehydrated. I spent a good 3 hours in that dark room. I was lying on a cot with a plastic matress, so no one could pee or puke on it. All I remember doing was closing my eyes and imagining every room in my house. I walked though the kitchen, in the basement and even tried to remember what my tennants part of the house looked like. Then I moved on to visualizing my best friend's house, and anywhere else I had been. I don't know why I did this, but I know I just needed a place to lie down and not think about my stupid lie for a few hours. When I finally got up to leave it was dinner time. Before dinner we would have to line up in rows according to where we lived. on this particular day I remember standing in front of Carly when she asked if I was really from Long Island. I don't remember most of the conversation, which is suprising because I vividly remember everything before that moment. After I told her that I wasn't from Long Island things were a little different for awhile, but she eventally forgot and were good friends the next year.
But I still think about this stupid mistake I made eight years ago and I wonder if I've really learned anything from it. While I've never told anyone that I live in Long Island again, I still find myself telling little lies sometimes. It's usually to embelish a story, and to give it a funnier ending than what happened in real life, but it's still fundamentally the same thing. It's not like they are white lies, because they aren't really benifitting anyone. I suppose in my old age I have learned that it is ok to tell little lies sometimes, as long as you can cover your tracks.
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[29 Jun 2006|12:54am] |
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degrassi on youtube |
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Today I saw 'the lakehouse'. I know, awful right? But how can you blame me, the previews made it look so damned intriguing. Any love story involving time travel must be good right? and the chemistry between past stars Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bollock? I mean, they were in SPEED! SPEED! You know it's true love when you're stuck together on a bus that will 'splode if it goes beneath 65MPH. ah, but alas, time traveling letter writing is not condusive to the year 2006. I mean, who writes letters anymore really? The story also had a few holes, but that wasn't really my problem. I am convinced that it could have been a better movie had the directing been good and if the soundtrack included the Shins.
Other than that I've gotten hella into Passions. Don't say a word. It's amazing, if you're ever bored one day at noon light up a fat doobie and revel in the amazing drama that is Passions. How can you say no to devil worshipping, the holy grail, earthquakes, amnesia and horrible acting? HOW??
This gave me some lulz,
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| Important information ahead. |
[28 Jun 2006|04:05am] |
In other news....my iPod is a boce.
Today I also got my FREE Belle and Sebastian tickets. I am really excited--but the word on the street is that Simone is going. I know it's very petty of me to care, but she likes Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson for godssake.
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[26 Jun 2006|12:18am] |
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The New Amsterdams |
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Today has been uneventful as usual.
But I was in the basement hanging out, watching TV and stuff and I started thinking about what makes up someone's life. (here is your clue to skip some existential ranting...get out while you still can!) I mostly was thinking about the story about how my parents met. They met in a court room when they were both trying a case, and my dad asked my mom out on a date. Just that. A little insignificant moment that decided my, and my brother's entire existance. Do we ever know when a moment would lead to something much larger, in the grander scheme of life. What if I handeled things with him differently? What if I was supposed to meet someone else. It's overwhelming to think that your life is ordered by so many little conicidences. I mean, how much power do we have over our own destiny? There are so many "what ifs" I can ask myself, and so many senarios that I wish panned out differently. What about all that time in between. The time we just spend sitting and thinking, are we missing that person, or that experience that will change our entire life. What if my mom didn't go into court that day, or if she thought my dad's hair was too long. It makes me think how proactive I should be in my own destiny. Should I roll with the punches, or try and take the bull by the horns....cliches aside, the question of karma is always something on my mind. It makes us feel that there is a force out there, bringing people together. allowing us to buy into the idea that we aren't all just atoms bouncing around until we find the closest one to join.
Every time I think to myself-- Why haven't I met him, why can't I be her, or lack the skills or intelligence to make the next great piece of art-- is it better to wait for it to come to me or go out and get it? I can't help but come to the conclusion that the latter ends up in frustration.
Maybe it's a combination of both. A little bit of courage, and a little bit of luck.
Though all of this, I also feel like I'm just trying to rationalize the fact that I may just have some rotten luck.
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